Post by comradekonrad on May 1, 2008 1:43:47 GMT -5
Breaking these up by gaming sessions, so here's part two. If it's enjoyable, great, if not, do yourself the favor of not reading any further.
Part 2:
Possibly edited for readability and whatnot. We'll see how I feel as it goes.
Racoons vs. LA Pacers (So much for readability)
Spine of the World Mountain Range! Unknown Pass:
Coming upon a small peasant town, Tomoki thanks us for our help resolving the route dispute. He needs to tell us something, that we're watching a decoy. Thanks for letting us know, douchebag. The real cart is two units behind, non-descript. No one else in the caravan knows this. He still doesn't know what is actually being guarded, however, because "the man" likes to keep us down. But we've proven ourselves trustworthy, so he's letting us in on what he knows. If the secret should be exposed, he informs us, we should make for the real cart and leave the decoy. Of course, this will never happen.
The grasslands around us rapidly turn barren as we continue. We come upon a peasant village! Yay peasanty town! Ugly, smelly, peasanty town. Villagers familiar with Tomoki call to him. Rather than kill them, he exchanges pleasantries. Andrew is shocked and dismayed.
Lunch time! They offer us various baskets of food. That is edible. Good, I love edible food. A child offers Anna (the warforged) food, and rather than crush her spirit, Anna "eats". As only a warforged can. Or can't, come to think of it. Woo!
Kenji is being hit on! Phil doesn't know why they're hitting on him, but hey. He ignores them. Ouch. Rejection.
I also am hit on, but I acknowledge them. They run away. Ouch.
Anna gets poked with sticks, the brats. She refrains - somehow - from killing them all. And I get a delightful apple.
As we leave, Chikara informs us that we have been "included" in scouting and watch duties, to lessen the strain on the rest of the caravan. Kenji is selected for scouting, on account of having enough skill to find his own bootlaces, and we divide up the watch.
I feel squeamish (dammit. The apples, always the apples).
Kenji comes back and informs that the scouting party found nothing, ensuring an easy journey! Also, we have a fuckton of guards, so even if Kenji missed something (a preposterous notion) we can simply field our invincible armies.
Later, during the watch, Ken is startled by a tiny deer!
ASPLOSION! Is it victory fireworks? No. The two front carts are burning. Rising, from sleep, I feel ill enough that I almost throw up.
Kenji proceeds to fail a listen check! Explaining how a mini-motherfucking army with gunpowder slipped past the scouts.
39 Arrows left, and I make a wonderful start in this campaign by failing a shot. Miserably.
Andrew charges towards our (now yelling) attackers on horseback, effortlessly slaying one.
MOTHERFUCKING NINJAS! They charge us from a different direction. But Andrew is kicking ass! Unfortunately, tactical genius he is, he's attacking the distraction. Noticing that said distraction is leaving (SURPRISE!) he happily pats himself on the back.
An interlude - Proper notes on Pronunciation, according to Ken.
ninjas <--- Wrong. MOTHERFUCKING NINJAS! <--- Correct
zombies <--- Wrong. MOTHERFUCKING ZOMBIES! <--- Correct
Back to the game.
Anna takes a potshot at a ninja, and sees the arrow hit! She didn't actually hit it (arrow snatch) but surely the morale bonus from the "success" will be reflected in future attacks.
(Editors Note: No.)
Emily flies into a ninja MOTHERFUCKING NINJA for massive damage. She then proceeds to "dance around him like a maypole as she cuts him in half" <-- Andrews words.
Mike realizes that he has the lowest AC of the group = ( But the dagger flying towards my face still bounces off.
The motherfucking ninjas attempt to bust open the cart we were "guarding". They asplode, due to the magical wards. HA!
Some of us notice that Minoru is shivering and huddled by a cart. Ah well, first combat and such.
At this point, I'm tired of writing down actual combat maneuvers, so here's the summary: Combat ensues, squishes happen.
Tomoki is unconcious, having made the classic mistake of trusting the peasantry he'd befriended.
Combat ensues further. Anna grinds her targets bones! I know, I haven't mentioned anything about her target, but seriously . . . bone grinding!
Unfortunately, we lose the item. Ninjas swarm the cart and take it, though Andrew manages to incapacitate a fleeing combatant. Ken stabilizes Tomoki and patches up the MOTHERFUCKING NINJA that Andrew fried, while Kenji swears like a madman. Another super bad vibe passes through us, fortunately I don't feel it. From across the mountains, we hear a rumbling. Soon a plume of smoke is visible, moving towards us at a ridiculous pace, it stops short of us anda figure emerges, speaking in a dry, crackling voice, "Where is it? Where is the scroll?"
Andrew points in the direction the ninjas fled. "That way, sir oh mighty sir."
"You are useless to me!"
He makes a sweeping gesture, and corpses from the combat start to shudder. Hopefully, he was referring to the corpses, and they are now about to bury themselves, saving us the trouble in thanks for Andrew's assistance in finding his lost scroll. (Editors Note: No. Just . . . fucking no.)
MOTHERFUCKING NINJA-ZOMBIES
They attack us, naturally. We're forced to kill off our previous morale officer. But about halfway through the combat they realize the futility of their attack and instead do us the favor of just dying.
Post combat.
We have a village that poisoned our fearless leader.
They assisted the Scorpion clan in stealing our ward, and killing off our morale officer.
We're seriously debating razing us a village.
But the combat is over, we decide what to do next.
"I'll gather up the living people" says Ken.
"I'll help throw them into the fire." Chimes in Emily. Questionable tactic, but sure to prevent future comrades from dying, raising again, and attacking us.
We restrain Emily from her homicidal tendencies and burn the corpses only. Then pack up to continue on our journey.
"So we're not going to raze the village?"
Tomoki gives me a severe reprimand for the above statement, because I'm being a douchebag. Apparently, however, he has super-hearing, as that was "out of character" and I'm not even in the game world.
We ask if he would still value our assistance, as the item we were hired to guard has been stolen, or if we should follow the thieves.
He hints, that though he would appreciate our assistance, it would be good to know how badly the scorpion who stole the scroll got slaughtered (very badly. Mounds of gore badly). We agree to check it out and meet back up with the caravan.
So endeth session two.
Part 2:
Possibly edited for readability and whatnot. We'll see how I feel as it goes.
Racoons vs. LA Pacers (So much for readability)
Spine of the World Mountain Range! Unknown Pass:
Coming upon a small peasant town, Tomoki thanks us for our help resolving the route dispute. He needs to tell us something, that we're watching a decoy. Thanks for letting us know, douchebag. The real cart is two units behind, non-descript. No one else in the caravan knows this. He still doesn't know what is actually being guarded, however, because "the man" likes to keep us down. But we've proven ourselves trustworthy, so he's letting us in on what he knows. If the secret should be exposed, he informs us, we should make for the real cart and leave the decoy. Of course, this will never happen.
The grasslands around us rapidly turn barren as we continue. We come upon a peasant village! Yay peasanty town! Ugly, smelly, peasanty town. Villagers familiar with Tomoki call to him. Rather than kill them, he exchanges pleasantries. Andrew is shocked and dismayed.
Lunch time! They offer us various baskets of food. That is edible. Good, I love edible food. A child offers Anna (the warforged) food, and rather than crush her spirit, Anna "eats". As only a warforged can. Or can't, come to think of it. Woo!
Kenji is being hit on! Phil doesn't know why they're hitting on him, but hey. He ignores them. Ouch. Rejection.
I also am hit on, but I acknowledge them. They run away. Ouch.
Anna gets poked with sticks, the brats. She refrains - somehow - from killing them all. And I get a delightful apple.
As we leave, Chikara informs us that we have been "included" in scouting and watch duties, to lessen the strain on the rest of the caravan. Kenji is selected for scouting, on account of having enough skill to find his own bootlaces, and we divide up the watch.
I feel squeamish (dammit. The apples, always the apples).
Kenji comes back and informs that the scouting party found nothing, ensuring an easy journey! Also, we have a fuckton of guards, so even if Kenji missed something (a preposterous notion) we can simply field our invincible armies.
Later, during the watch, Ken is startled by a tiny deer!
ASPLOSION! Is it victory fireworks? No. The two front carts are burning. Rising, from sleep, I feel ill enough that I almost throw up.
Kenji proceeds to fail a listen check! Explaining how a mini-motherfucking army with gunpowder slipped past the scouts.
39 Arrows left, and I make a wonderful start in this campaign by failing a shot. Miserably.
Andrew charges towards our (now yelling) attackers on horseback, effortlessly slaying one.
MOTHERFUCKING NINJAS! They charge us from a different direction. But Andrew is kicking ass! Unfortunately, tactical genius he is, he's attacking the distraction. Noticing that said distraction is leaving (SURPRISE!) he happily pats himself on the back.
An interlude - Proper notes on Pronunciation, according to Ken.
ninjas <--- Wrong. MOTHERFUCKING NINJAS! <--- Correct
zombies <--- Wrong. MOTHERFUCKING ZOMBIES! <--- Correct
Back to the game.
Anna takes a potshot at a ninja, and sees the arrow hit! She didn't actually hit it (arrow snatch) but surely the morale bonus from the "success" will be reflected in future attacks.
(Editors Note: No.)
Emily flies into a ninja MOTHERFUCKING NINJA for massive damage. She then proceeds to "dance around him like a maypole as she cuts him in half" <-- Andrews words.
Mike realizes that he has the lowest AC of the group = ( But the dagger flying towards my face still bounces off.
The motherfucking ninjas attempt to bust open the cart we were "guarding". They asplode, due to the magical wards. HA!
Some of us notice that Minoru is shivering and huddled by a cart. Ah well, first combat and such.
At this point, I'm tired of writing down actual combat maneuvers, so here's the summary: Combat ensues, squishes happen.
Tomoki is unconcious, having made the classic mistake of trusting the peasantry he'd befriended.
Combat ensues further. Anna grinds her targets bones! I know, I haven't mentioned anything about her target, but seriously . . . bone grinding!
Unfortunately, we lose the item. Ninjas swarm the cart and take it, though Andrew manages to incapacitate a fleeing combatant. Ken stabilizes Tomoki and patches up the MOTHERFUCKING NINJA that Andrew fried, while Kenji swears like a madman. Another super bad vibe passes through us, fortunately I don't feel it. From across the mountains, we hear a rumbling. Soon a plume of smoke is visible, moving towards us at a ridiculous pace, it stops short of us anda figure emerges, speaking in a dry, crackling voice, "Where is it? Where is the scroll?"
Andrew points in the direction the ninjas fled. "That way, sir oh mighty sir."
"You are useless to me!"
He makes a sweeping gesture, and corpses from the combat start to shudder. Hopefully, he was referring to the corpses, and they are now about to bury themselves, saving us the trouble in thanks for Andrew's assistance in finding his lost scroll. (Editors Note: No. Just . . . fucking no.)
MOTHERFUCKING NINJA-ZOMBIES
They attack us, naturally. We're forced to kill off our previous morale officer. But about halfway through the combat they realize the futility of their attack and instead do us the favor of just dying.
Post combat.
We have a village that poisoned our fearless leader.
They assisted the Scorpion clan in stealing our ward, and killing off our morale officer.
We're seriously debating razing us a village.
But the combat is over, we decide what to do next.
"I'll gather up the living people" says Ken.
"I'll help throw them into the fire." Chimes in Emily. Questionable tactic, but sure to prevent future comrades from dying, raising again, and attacking us.
We restrain Emily from her homicidal tendencies and burn the corpses only. Then pack up to continue on our journey.
"So we're not going to raze the village?"
Tomoki gives me a severe reprimand for the above statement, because I'm being a douchebag. Apparently, however, he has super-hearing, as that was "out of character" and I'm not even in the game world.
We ask if he would still value our assistance, as the item we were hired to guard has been stolen, or if we should follow the thieves.
He hints, that though he would appreciate our assistance, it would be good to know how badly the scorpion who stole the scroll got slaughtered (very badly. Mounds of gore badly). We agree to check it out and meet back up with the caravan.
So endeth session two.
